Terrible PR pitches

Embargoes: The first of many rants

2012-02-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

I've been calling a certain stealthy startup company for months, asking to talk to the CEO, asking for access so I could do an in-depth story. The company had limited — and extremely technical — information on its website. Meanwhile, financial filings kept popping up showing that this company had raised more than $100 million dollars.

Finally, I got a call from a PR firm who scheduled an interview with the CEO if I agreed to embargo that interview until Tuesday afternoon at 4:30 p.m. I RELUCTANTLY agreed because I knew the other reporters I compete with would also agree and I didn't want to miss the opportunity.

But the day before my interview, I attended an event with 300 or so members of the public, where the company's lead investor stood on stage and gave away a few choice details about what the stealth company was planning — noting that the company would be "officially launched" the following week.

As a journalist, it is my ethical responsibility to report the news — and this was news. It's also what my bosses pay me to do.

The embargo I agreed to only bound me to not report what the CEO told me until a certain date. I hadn't talked to him yet, so there was no breach of that embargo when my story came out the day before our scheduled interview.

Of course, I never got my interview.

The PR people called, grilling me about how I got that news.

Then they emailed me that night saying the following:

As a matter of formality, I do have to ask if you can guarantee that you'll hold the embargo around any information you get from [CEO] tomorrow. We would like to keep all information about [company] embargoed until February 7th at 4:30pm PST. Can you confirm that you will not print any additional coverage on [company] until then?

This last request, that I not publish any news about a company, regardless of where I heard it, is deeply offensive to me and to my profession. I did not agree to that embargo. And sure enough I got another email the next morning:

I'm sorry for the last minute notice, but [CEO] had some last minute scheduling conflicts and won't be available for the interview today. I'll get back to you about rescheduling when I have more info on his updated schedule.

I emailed the firm saying I hope it had nothing to do with the fact that I reported news made available in a public setting. They assured me that, no no, that had nothing to do with it.

But then they never did reschedule my interview.instead, after the embargo, and after I requested an explanation for why my interview wasn't rescheduled I got a note. The PR firm said they tried but the CEO was busy - though not too busy to give interviews with at LEAST a dozen other reporters - and added this.

Also, given the sensitive timing of your last piece it was very difficult to get them to prioritize this interview. We did try our best to get you in.

What I want to tell this person is that as a public relations specialist, it should be her job to explain to a CEO why it might be good to have relationships with good, ethical, accurate reporters who don't wait for news to be spoon-fed to them. I want her to defend the free press while noting that its the good and fair journalists who have the largest following among rational and interested people - people who value the objectivity lacking in so many media outlets today. I rationally do not expect this.

Instead, I have to feel good that I did my job well, then stood my ground, even if it meant getting blacklisted by this company.

But I don't think I'll be agreeing to any more embargoes.

Pitch Fix: Telling reporters they can't write ANYTHING about your client is overstepping the intent of the embargo, and no self-respecting reporter would agree to that. Don't do it.

Clearly our PR people are unpaid (and likely undeducated)

2011-10-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Put aside for a moment any frustration you feel about the irrelevance of this PR pitch to a Bay Area business reporter so that you can focus all your angry energy on the hideous grammar contained herein. I don't care if you're a non-profit, or a volunteer campaign that is short on funds. At least get a volunteer who's fluent in the English language to write your press releases (if, of course, your intended audience is English-speaking) if you want to be taken seriously.

Pitch Fix:

Even a used car salesman couldn't talk me in to buying this one

2008-07-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

"For many people, negotiating at a car dealership is right up there with dental surgery in terms of things they'd like to do. Even if they don't mind the process, some people just don't have the time. Here's one example."

OK. Stop right there. I'm already out. I don't cover cars or dental surgery. It's unlikely this pitch will relate to businesses that I do cover. And the lead-up is way too long (not to mention terrible) without being clever.

Just for kicks, though it still wouldn't help this pitch, here's a better way to write the first two badly written sentences.

Pitch Fix:

Most people would rather suffer through a root canal than haggle with a car salesman. At least a root canal is quick.

Wrong on both counts!

2008-07-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

Here's the first paragraph of a PR pitch I got the other day:

"Financial institutions are under a misunderstanding that only consumers are at risk and the Red Flags Rule only applies to consumers. Wrong on both counts!"

Yikes! This sentence is awful. Vague. And sites a "Rule" with which I am not familiar.

In short, this sentence did not have me at hello.

I receive more than 500 e-mails a day. I don't have time to wade through this pitch to find out what it's about and if it's relevant.

Secondly, I don't know what the Red Flag Rule is and I don't care because I don't write about "rules" — but I might write about the way a rule affects businesses that I cover.

The failure to establish early on what the "risk" is and what the "Red Flag Rule" is, makes me laugh and laugh when I read the second sentence in this pitch: "Wrong on both counts!"

I can appreciate the author's attempt to be catchy. But the first sentence is so poorly constructed that the catchy kicker — "Wrong on both counts!" — just doesn't make sense.

Terrible Pitch Fix:

"Banks face fines that could total thousands of dollars if they don't comply with a little-known rule that many believe doesn't apply to them — and that may make their customers vulnerable to (I'm just guessing here) identity theft.

Terrible Pitch lesson: When crafting a lead on a pitch, ask yourself: "How does this affect the audience of the reporter/publication I'm targeting?" Include the potential impact to that audience in the first line.

A special Mother's Day posting

2008-05-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

My colleague, who covers health care, got a pitch last week: "Make Mother's Day Special with cheeses from France."

I heard him say to no one in particular: "I don't cover mothers or cheeses or France."

And added: "Not to mention, my mother would be absolutely non-plussed with cheeses from France. She's not the cheeses from France kind of gal."

So this Mother's Day, make a reporter's day special, by not sending a triumvirate of non-relevant info in your pitch.

I really care about you... I do

2008-04-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today I got three pitches in a row from three different PR firms that all opened with this line: "I hope this message finds you well."

How does that happen? Was there a seminar on pitch opening lines that all of these PR professionals attended? Or is there a magazine article going around: "Fail-proof opening lines they won't pass up!"

Regardless (and I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that irregardless is not a word, though it's used all too often) getting the same opening line three times in a row was weird. And it got me to thinking.

I'm guessing it's hard to choose an opening line when pitching a journalist.

If you don't know us personally, what do you say? "Hey Lois, How are you? How was your weekend?"

Of course not. That's lame. Because you don't care. You just want me to write about your client and you know I know that.

So you could just dive right in. "San Francisco-based Sillabus Inc. has tripled its revenue year-over-year to $800 million on strong sales of its silicon-powered buses. We'd like to make our CEO available to you exclusively and are happy to share revenue figures from the still family-owned and operated company over the past decade. "

I'm partial to this approach because it doesn't waste my time (and I know I get revenue figures from a private company so my interest already is piqued and I know the company is big enough for me to cover it.)

Plus you ultimately want to save us all of the time you possibly can. We've already taken valuable time out of our very busy day to read (at least the first line) of your pitch and if we're anticipating it's a time-waster, we're already going to resent you.

The other strategy would be to be honest.

"Hey Lois, take a look at this pitch because if you decide to do a story that goes in your paper, that will make me look really good to this client and then this client will tell my bosses that they like me and then my bosses won't fire me. And if I do enough of these successful pitches, maybe I will someday get a raise. And it will all be because of you and how smart and pretty you are."

But since that's all information we journalists already know, that would constitute a time-waster and is way too wordy.

So my advice is this: Don't bother with the cutesy headlines and the attention-grabbing opening paragraphs. it won't hurt my feelings if you get right to the news. And, if what your client is doing really is newsworthy (stranger things have happened), we will write you back — whether or not you express interest in our personal health.

There's more than one newspaper per market sometimes

2008-04-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

Hi.

You called me. Probably to pitch a story that you believe is relevant to my newspaper. How is it possible that you don't know where I work? How did you get my number if you think I work at the other paper in town? This is confusing to me. And probably not helpful to you if you're trying to pitch me a story because it says to me that you're not sure about why what I do is different than what they do. And that makes me automatically believe your pitch will not be relevant. But thanks for calling.

Toenail fungus? Anyone?

2008-02-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

Here's a great story from a good friend and fabulous reporter who declined to report on this PR lady's product pitch?

It was an 18k daily in rural west Georgia. Mostly covered the county commission, quilting bees and the occasional bone-chilling Gothic double homicide. Once a week one of the four reporters on staff would experience this:

*Ring*
Reporter: Hello?
Voice: Hi, this is Margaret and I'm calling to talk to you about a nasty little thing called toenail fungus.

We would mutter something non-committal while frantically waving to our colleagues that we got the toenail fungus person on the line again. After a minute we would explain that, yet again, our paper would not be doing the story on her company's fungicide. Yes, we knew "beach season" was approaching, but news on revolutionary fungus obliterating creams wasn't part of our "core product."

Still, a week or two would go by and Margaret would be back with the same "nasty little" pitch.

That's a dozen years ago now and I still think of her when I see the commercials on TV for what I assume is her old product healing cartoon toes of their horrible cartoon condition and imploring you to "ask your doctor." At the time, I and my colleagues were convinced we were destined for bigger things, and in fact, we were. I never stopped to think about poor Margaret, probably in her 20s like us, who was biding her time, pitching fungus to preening cub reporters and practicing how one day she would snub us in the White House briefing room.

Regionally retarded

2008-02-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

Since Terrible PR Pitches' initial post, I've had several journalist friends write to me with similar complaints about PR professionals not understanding what area the journalists' publications covers.

It's a common problem.

Why, just today I got three distinct pitches about a New Jersey company that got an order for its dental laser product. Not only does my paper not cover New Jersey, we don't report on product releases and generally don't cover dentistry.

Knowing where a paper's coverage area is is important to you, the PR professionals, getting placement in a paper. If you're not sure what region a paper covers, there are lots of clues to help you find out.

For business journals, this information is usually indicated in the papers' names. Some popular examples include: The Austin Business Journal, which covers, I swear it's true, business in Austin, Texas. There's also the Atlanta Business Chronicle, which covers, and I swear this is true, business in the Atlanta area. For an even more precise breakdown of each county and city covered by business journals, I suggest turning to the lists page of each edition. For most business journals, this information is included at the bottom of every list, so that companies that submit their information for the lists know what the parameters are, which deals to include, etc. It can also help you know exactly which stories to pitch, and which stories not to pitch.

For daily newspapers, this information can be a little more tricky to find. But a scan of datelines, found at the top of stories that indicate where each reporter was when he or she wrote the article could put you on the right track. If there is no dateline, that means the reporter was at the newspaper's headquarters when he or she wrote it. The address of a newspaper's headquarters can be easily found online, if its not indicated in the name, and many newspapers include their headquarters' address on the inside of the front section, commonly on Page 2.

Then there are, of course, the national papers that can be super tricky. The New York Times covers New York but also covers, and I swear it's true, the rest of the nation. The Wall Street Journal covers Wall Street, which might seem straight forward to you savvy financiers out there, but a quick scan of a recent front page showed stories about Cuba, Wisconsin, and Chandler, Arizona. A lot of these papers will go pretty much anywhere there's a good story. And frighteningly, that leaves it up to P.R. professionals to use their own discretion when pitching these papers. Were I you, I would pose this one question to myself when pitching a national paper: "Is this story compelling to a national audience?" If the answer is 'No,' Do not do it.

Not knowing what region the papers you are pitching cover, will very likely lead you down the yellow brick road of rejection. Don't make this mistake unless you want to end up like the PR person my friend Will recently encountered and reported to TerriblePRpitches.

"Just recently I got a pitch from a PR rep whose pitch I had apparently rejected before because it wasn't local," says Will, a reporter who does not work in the Sacramento area. "So she writes back all excited because she found someone (to speak to the issue) from... SACRAMENTO!"

Terrible PR Pitches

2008-02-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

I've been a journalist for more than 10 years. So I've experienced my share of PR pitches. There have been, as much as I hate to admit it, some really good, useful PR pitches. These have come from PR professionals who understand news, know what makes a compelling story and who understand the company they represent and the products that company produces. They also understand what my paper does, who our audience is and where our market is.

Then there are the majority of PR professionals: like the woman who recently pitched me on a story on how interesting it was that their no-name startup had decied to locate in GASP! GET this! The same city where a bajillion other startups have located over the last 30 years! OMG! In other news from this firm: The sun will come up tomorrow! Can I set you up with an invterview with one of our experts to discuss this?

This poor misguided woman was, unfortunately, not alone. I have to say, the large majority of PR pitches I receive are pretty bad. Terrible even.

Rather than do what us journalists are compelled to do (make fun of PR people behind their backs), I've decided to give constructive criticism to the PR universe regarding pitches I actually get every day.

So here's the first one:

I got a call today.

"Sharon?" the caller asked.

"No." I said.

"Oh, well who's this?"

I reluctantly said my name, knowing this was likely to be a misguided PR person.

"Well great. I've got a pitch about an accounting firm in Southern California expanding. I'm going to send it right over. What's your e-mail address?"

OK, so, a couple of things. Have you ever read my paper? Do you know what I do? Do you know that regional business journals only cover their specific region? And have you ever read any business journal? Because if so, you'd know that our e-mail addresses are listed in every story we do. Right under our NAMES. So if you read the paper, you'd know my name and what I cover: My beats are listed at the END of every story. And you wouldn't have to ask me for e-mail address. You could just send your out-of-region, never-going-to-make-it-into-my-paper pitch, and then follow up later.
This would be a lot less annoying to me, though it still wouldn't make me write about your out-of-region client.

As a caveat, I got five calls today asking for my e-mail address. It was deadline day.

Lesson for today: Find a reporter's e-mail on your own. If you can't do that, you are a retard and we don't want to talk to you.